Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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