TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I woke up under a house in Key West
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