well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
