Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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