I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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