I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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