Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
