I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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