i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize