areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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