This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
