Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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