oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
