Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I deserve this hangover.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize