Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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