in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
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