mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
