I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
