just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
