I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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