Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
