HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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