____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
