I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
