You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
