I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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