I'd wear matching sweaters with you
At least make sure they are 18
Why
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
