We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
