lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
