i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
