found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
