the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
