Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
