you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
