guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Randomize
