Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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