Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
