I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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