There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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