New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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