She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
