Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
