Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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