we're chasing vodka with high fives
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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