I hope mine doesn't look like that
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
