I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
