I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Randomize
