He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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