Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
