Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize