I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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