There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
