you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize