Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
