yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
