So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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