I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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