In the future we'll all be gay
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
