Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
