just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize