Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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