And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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