My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
