I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize