would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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