Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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