where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
