I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
