the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
two words...techno handjob
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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