Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
